literature

The Sahara Intro

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Literature Text

The Sahara (working title)


Chapter 1

Of all the places he had travelled to, Leon Mitchell always felt most at home at Seti Station. Though for whatever reason, after being away from dock on a long haul voyage he could never quite recall why. Maybe it was the buzz of the crowds on the dock as workers and ship crew handled the loading machinery. Or maybe it was the famous markets of Seti Station, where one could acquire an assortment of junk and jewels alike, or the low level bars that he liked to get himself lost in during those dry spells when work was scarce.
But as the young captain stepped onto the docks, the reason was there to greet him. That moist smell of the filtered dock air, reused and recirculated through each of the stations seven districts. With it came the faint smell of oil from the ship refuelling pumps, of the metal flooring and walkways and hulls of ships , and of plastic from the trade containers used to house goods and of various tubes connected to each ship. Most might find the smell distasteful, but having lived on stations all his life, Leon found it to be most comforting.
Leon stepped from The Sahara's ramp way access onto the docks, the cold steel flooring causing a shiver in the soles of his feet. It was not uncommon among the feline charrun to shy away from wearing footwear, and being like any other charrun Leon was just as stubborn, preferring to feel the ground beneath his padded feet. He wore his usual attire for travelling the station, a pair of burgundy  denims, held with a black cotton belt around the waist. A golden mane flowed down to his bare chest, matched by a fine covering of golden fur.  Adorned on his tufted feline ears were three rings, made of the finest polished charrun gold, two on the right, one of the left.
The Sahara was his ship, and he was its captain. Leon had acquired his pride and joy in a lucky game of parzon right here at Seti, and for the past four years had made quite a small name for himself as a trader, gambler, and on occasion a smuggler. This ambitious young charrun didn't mind taking risks from time to time, if the odds were in his favour.
The sound of the The Sahara's cargo doors jolted Leon away from the smell of the dock air. The crew had already began preparations for offloading.
Alright guys, so I still havnt worked out a solution to my camera problem, so the art ive got done and any more will have to wait awhile :( sad face

BUT lucky for you Ive started writing the first draft to a little novel Im planning, and now its time for you guys to take a quick read, dont worry its not that long :meow: and see what ya think =P

Ok, so if you would, Id really appreciate it if I could get some feedback, both good and bad. I want to know how well it reads, how well it flows, the choice of words, anything and everything. If there's anything that you think dont seem right, speak your mind :)

Critique is very welcome :)

(C) Stephan Harry
(C) Mad-dragon249
© 2010 - 2024 mad-dragon249
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MangaManiacNatNeko's avatar
Ok mate obviously there are some areas which I think are great, some which need a bit of tweaking since it would take me a while to list them individually and word them how I thought they should be worded do you mind if I just copy this and tweak it then send it to you and see what you think? If not its cool and I can explain some of the stuff rather than just doing what I asked =D Either way mate in the end its your work =) Nice start by the way, I got very into the setting and my imagination had enough writing to give me view of what it looks like and yet enough room for my own interpretation which is a nice mix I think.